Conquering Fear and Rejection: Own Your Life

Whenever I hear that someone is going through a hard time, I feel for them. We have all been through something difficult but for some, these situations could be a little more difficult than most to get off their chest. Over the years, I personally have struggled with fear and rejection. I mean come on: it really friggen hurts when someone strips away something you may have previously felt great about. Sometimes that comes in the form of not landing that job that you really wanted or that girl / guy you were smitten about. Maybe it was fear of the unknown or fear of commitment. All of these things factor into building up anxiety and will ruin you. I have news for you though: you can change the way all of that makes you feel.

The best example I can give is from what climbing had taught me. Some climbs are hard as hell. They can be so hard, that they scare you for fear of falling and breaking something, the pain they cause you as you are trying it, or the fear of failing so much, that you may give up. What this process has taught me was that you have to keep trying. In the face of failure, you have to laugh it up, say fuck it and just go for it....every time. Sure you may bleed, but that sting only lasts for a little while. Best part is, it heals up and makes you stronger.

Even the fear of falling was conquered. All I really did was tell myself that I'd be screwed if I didn't commit. Not commiting to something will own you because you will have regret, or get seriously hurt (in more ways than one). When you are 20 ft off the deck, you kind of have to commit because you already know it's going to end bad if you don't (see where I am going with this). If you want me to prove this to you, then I will: This weekend i'll be going up to the Gunks with some rad people and I will climb a 35ft High ball...fuck it. Commitment time.

What about failing you may ask? Not a big deal. Failures (lots of them mind you) are great because they basically tell you what not to do next time. There are so many climbs that have owned me over the years, but as I put in the effort to take care of myself and learn from my mistakes, those said climbs became a cakewalk (aka Andrews problem v4 at the Gunks). Don't worry: you fuck up enough you eventually learn. It may be the hard way, but sometimes that is the best way. Learn from my mistakes in this blog! Hahaha I mean...that's why I post shit anyway..so you can benefit from my fuck ups.

So how does this all relate to life...you know... all that jazz that isn't related to climbing or any other activity where this is easier to apply. It's simple really; you just do it with out giving it much thought. Let your instincts guide you. It is the fight or flight within us. In Biology, we learned that when presented with a stressful situation, we are given two options: you go 0-60 real quick and get your ass out of there or you say screw it and fight the good fight. Most people opt to run because they don't want to get their hands dirty. I prefer the latter and you should too. Fight for what you want. If you are rejected or fear being rejected, just give yourself a chance and try. The sooner you know, the easier it is to move on. The feeling of rejection is just a concotion of embarassment and loss aka, just laugh that shit off and move on. Eventually, something more deserving of your wonderful self will come along. This goes for relationships too you know. I've learned that being rejected by someone isn't too bad. I actually prefer if someone steps up: I appreciate it because it takes balls to tell someone they don't like them (even more balls telling someone they like them!).

Perspective. This is what it is all about. Fear and rejection is easily conquered by having a fresh perspective. Seriously! If you don't get your hopes up too high, or too low, it's never really going to come as a surprise as to what the hell is happening. It's a strategy of sorts really. In a way, you have to enjoy this ride. Conquering fear and rejection does not come over night. It took me a while to deal with it. I had to hype myself up a lot to make a better me. Most importantly, you have to believe in yourself and believe that everything will always work out. I mean, actually look yourself in the mirror and OUTLOUD say that you are a badass that won't let anything get in your way. It sounds corny but sometimes, you are the only one that could convince yourself how great of a person you are and how great the situation you are in is. Personally, I love knowing there is a chance of rejection: it's a gamble but the unknown is so beautiful. The appreciation of the journey comes with that so I suggest you just take a risk and enjoy whatever comes your way! You are strong and capable! Feel your heart speak to you, reason with your mind, take a breath and leap...or dyno...cause that is WAY cooler (and more fun).

As long as you prepare yourself, take the proper precautions as to what could happen, and fantasize about what can happen. I'd say that you are in pretty good shape after that. No matter what happens, you always have to realize and ACCEPT that okay...this situation may have sucked but what did I learn from this? Answer that question and you are golden. Remember, ANY experience can teach you something. It is how you interpret and own it that matters. This is how you own your life. Take what is given to you and make it work. It won't be easy, but it is so rewarding. Let it happen to you enough and you start welcoming the fear and rejection. Hahaha its like fear and rejection plays you hard...but then when it happens enough, you learn it, and get back at it. That's the ultimate win.

So are you still scared? Do you still fear rejection? Or are you going to embrace it, harness the feelings built within and just build a better you because of it? The answer is yours and yours alone.

Check this vid out: It's my boy Hezz on the climb New Pair of Glasses. This is the power of commitment and conquering fear and saying fuck it to rejection: